sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
