wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
