ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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