How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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