You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
