how can u be prego again
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm like, not good at living.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
