I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Umm I'm too high to move.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
