just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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