You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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