I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
