If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
