im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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