She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
