there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
