I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
