I molested 6 butterflies tonight
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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