Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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