i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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