Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Redeem this text for a blowjob
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
