I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
