Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
