Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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