I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
