i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
