Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
