JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
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