I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
