The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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