I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
