What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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