Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Randomize
