Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
