and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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