Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
