when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
