Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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