Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I think your dad took our porno
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
