well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
