Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
