Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Randomize
