Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
