I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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