Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
