we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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