We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
