I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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