Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I supernannyed him into submission
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
