i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
