yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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