She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
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